"To Be Expected" Still Sucks

Finally, the day has come and went where I was able to see what I will from now on refer to as the "pump doc." It many ways this visit could be considered a great success. I have gotten further in the last few months than I have in the last 15 years of wanting Insulin Pump Therapy. Here's how it went: Walk in at 11a.m. after being at work at the VA since 7p.m. the evening before. After 16 hrs awake, the doctor prances in and gives me a pop quiz on carb counting and my two week old sliding scale, what I now know is called my basal rate. Good to know. I got the answers correct, but apparently I did not "seem as comfortable" with it as he would've liked. We discussed the advantages and the challenges of the Omnipod, though I could've mentioned that I had been drooling over the information package and the website since I heard about it in April. Next, we discussed why I wanted to be on the pump, and I gave him my short list, respectfully, even though all I wanted to say was "Duh." I know its not going to solve all of my problems, but the majority of the advantages are kind of obvious. Then, he brought in a model pump, which is where I got really excited. Just seeing the tiny little pod, and the cell phone-like PDA and thinking about how that could be what I need to finally feel the freedom that I've been craving for so long. My heart certainly was a-pitter-pattering. Finally, the pump doc's decision. He will call the Omnipod Manager for the area, give her my name. I will then call her and work with her for however long it shall take until I am ready and comfortable with basal and bolus rates and all the other pump lingo that I am oblivious of. Until then, the doc will also work with me to gain tighter control of my A1C, which he commended me on, but still would like to see me at a 7 instead of a 9. Then I left with the phone number I needed to get the ball rolling.
So, you can see how this doctor's visit is a success. This is within my grasp now, I know I can do what it takes to achieve this goal. On the other hand, when I stepped out the door of the doc's office, all I felt was another rejection. I knew I wasn't going to walk in empty handed and walk out with a pod on my belly, ready to dump all my needles in the trash (or medical waste sharps box), but something inside of me made me feel like that's what should've happened. I think sometimes a person may know not to expect certain things from other people or from life in general, but people just can't help the expectation that builds up inside of them over so many years of deep and personal longing. In the end, I can snap out of this needless sense of loss because my support is still ever-present, and, as I said, the goal is still obtainable. I made the call today and left a message. I hope to hear from this woman soon, so I can start again on a task that will lead me to what I want. Gotta keep busy or I might forget that I can do this.

After too many years I have finally been to see an endocronologist. For the first time in nearly ten years, I have visited a doctor having tried my best to be a healthy diabetic. Good news, my A1C has gone from 13 to 9. To me that is significant, though many people may still gasp at the number. This upsets me. The doctor was pleased with my progress, my family is excited with me, but, unfortunately, it is other diabetics that judge me the most. It is a daily struggle for me to comply, though it does get easier; however, I do it because I have a goal, and even if I don't succeed in my goal, it doesn't matter because it helps me progress with my compliance. I'm so happy that I am finally getting a little better at this diabetes thing. It hurts me when I try to share this with other diabetics (particularly on tudiabetes.org), and I get cut down. So, I just want to get this off of my chest: just because you are a diabetic does not mean you know everything about it. People are different, therefore diabetics are different. Duh. I am guilty of this sometimes, but I am able to stop and remind myself that I am not one to judge. And I truly hate a diabetic with an A1C of 5, who says they are normal because of this, and that the only reason others are not is because they're not being compliant with all of the things that worked for the 5. If that makes sense. I am so brittle, I truly believe that I would achieve such a "normal" number only with a CGM (constant glucose monitoring system) and a pump. All of which an Omnipod can ensure. I share my experiences with other diabetics so that they can maybe relate to and learn from, not so that they can compare. It won't really help to compare. "You are different from me," I want to tell some people, "and what works for you may not work for you." I hate to say this, but especially type 2's. This seems like a very universal concept, applying to life in general and many aspects of it, so, as in many other cases, I don't understand how everybody doesn't get it.
Otherwise, I feel like I am on track with things, thanks for your support! Pump endocronologist on Monday, I am very nervous, wish me luck.