Fixing the Last Thing I Did Wrong

Today was a little stressful as far as my bloodsugars are go. I can tell when I'm getting frustrated with my numbers being too consistently high because I suddenly find myself pale, shaky and sweaty for nearly an entire day. I don't do it on purpose, but though I'm praying my sugars will improve, as I push in the plunger on the syringe I know that I am probably overdoing it a bit. A bit way too much if my machine has anything to say about it. 35 was the lowest today, and there were a few others, like I said. I need to find a sliding scale that works for me. Fast. I'm trying to Google a good way to work with one, but the whole trial and error aspect that is required for all systems of dosage just isn't working fast enough for my liking. I want it NOW.
Is there ever this annoying thought that interupts your other thoughts throughout the day, everyday, in such a negative way that you just want to smack yourself in the head, as if you might be able to knock that annoying bastard right out of your ear? I have a lot of them, and it doesn't work. Trust me. I can't get it out of my head that this whole plan of mine will amount to nothing, even if I get my OmniPod with no hitches. I simply won't have the insurance or the money to maintain such a machine and the prescriptions needed. I have a way of forcing my hope down where it came from whenever it springs up, and challenging it as soon as I can with the most negative and ambivalent responses I can conjure. It is unfortunately my nature. On days like this the words "money, money, money" and "useless, useless, useless" run through my head pretty constantly, among others, and I hesitate in continuing with this journey before all of the bad things I anticipate can even have a chance of happening. I'm such a downer sometimes.
But then, without thinking of the past, nor the future, I hear this other word over and over, and I make my body respond to it like a robot, "check, check, check." I suppose it could all work out, but even if it doesn't, I'm still gonna make it a habit to check everyday. This will only help to let me live longer, God-willing.