Still Swimming, but Slowly Slipping

So, I'm here swimming in this choppy, polluted ocean of chaos as I am still in my Strapped for Strips crisis. They should be in the mail on their way here now, maybe tomorrow. Only two things really actively stress me in times like this: when as soon as I'm finally in a motivated routine of checking my bloodsugar, I secretly sabatoge myself into "thoughtlessly" letting some supply error slip. I slip. And I trip. Of course, I'm always forgetting stuff, all kinds of stuff, not just diabetes stuff.
First, I worry about my number. I think I feel low, but I could just be decreasing from a high to not-so-high. I don't want to overcompensate and gorge my face with fructose, glucose, protein and carbohydrates. I panic when I'm low and don't know the number, so I take a little bit of everything. I worry about wether or not I can cover my meals correctly if I don't know at which point to base my sliding scale. Why try and fix it if I don't know the damage? After all, one can only begin to handle a situation if and when they can acknowledge how it affects them. Hell, if that's the truth, nobody is safe, we're all hopeless. That can't be right.
I only fret over this briefly before my extraordinary power of negativity flexes, and the big picture issue invades. Can I do this again? Can I really start all over again after stopping so abruptly? It's easy to deal with the stress of my numbers when I've been ignoring that particular problems for about a decade. This type of freedom drips with sweet sorrow; suprisingly, it is easier to forget how to stay alive than one might think. I struggle with the two polar ends of my personality just about every day in a long-waged fray of self ( did I mention I was bipolar?). Doubt, hopelessness, shame...these are all symptoms of this war, but I believe that all diabetics, if not all people, suffer these sorrows. This is life, what connects us.
Never have I been in such a positive state in my whole life, though. As soon as I have those strips in hand I will check my suga, suga. Then, I will follow up by responding accordingly with my sliding scale. It will be a smooth slide back into pace with the schedule I expect of myslef. No problem. I got this.
The final thread of worry weaves it's way into my consciousness on the backs of those lesser worries: How will this affect my ultimate goal of getting a doc to sign off on my ultimate goal of achieving the OmniPod insulin delivery system?