To Live or Not to Die

Home sweet home, right? Yes, it is sweet to be back home with Momma and Kellan (and of course a swimming pool and a big bed). I do already miss the beach bum atmosphere, but the structure here more resembles real life (though not completely) with my VA volunteer work schedule and the pace with which I act when it comes to creating a better future. The path that I am on has a lot more bumps and roadblocks when I don't have the option of laying on the beach, listening to the ocean and forgetting to fret. With my momma by my side I am able to balance things much better: I take care of what needs taken care of (instead of blowing them off) without overloading and breaking down. This balance is difficult to find in life.
Balance is also extremely important for people with diabetes who are trying to manage. Since everything affects my bloodsugar, every challenge requires action in order to prevent complication. Also because everything affects my diabetes, I know to anticipate challenges nearly every single day. Challenges range from the expected, such as diet, exercise and illness, to other things that I don't recall anyone mentioning in a diabetes education class: my menstrual cycle, emotions, stress and even being in the sun for a prolonged period of time. Just like in life, it takes time to figure out what does and does not work for me and my diabetes. It's a very personal journey of discovery during which a person realizes how to develop a successful relationship with life. Even non compliant diabetics come to realize that balance is necessary, though there's a distinct difference between figuring out how to live and figuring out how not to die (too fast). When I struggled as a diabetic with drug and alcohol dependency I found myself constantly experimenting with which substances, which delivery methods and just how trashed I could get without killing myself in one night. I had a system, a ritual really, that I used to convince myself I was managing my diabetes while I imbibed hard liquor and consumed hard dope. Of course, that was only in the beginning because after awhile I didn't care about anything and would have been happy if I overdosed and died. My, my, how life does change.
Now that I know how difficult yet vital balance is for a bipolar diabetic's survival, I also know that all of these changes and actions I have begun to take every day will make for a rock to grasp hold of while life pelts me with boulders and pebbles. After a decade (if not two) of being considered as well as feeling unbalanced, all that has flipped a bit. I think that my diabetes may be the most important balance I must find in my life, and that the OmniPod will be the best method of success. I worry that I won't be able to get the OmniPod, and I won't want to find this balance any other way. I feel like there is no other way, that this is it. I guess I shouldn't get too far ahead of myself.