Strapped for Strips No More

My Strapped for Strips crisis has met with solution; finally, my mail order testing strips have arrived. True to my personal goal of avoiding self-destruction, as soon as I discovered the package in the mailbox I went inside and checked my bloodsugar. My limbs moved slow and were heavy on the way to the table where my machine had awaited for nearly a week. As usual, I was surprised by my response to the irrational fear I harbor of investing time and hope into changing my lifestyle in a manner in which success will never be a guarantee. These voices float around in my head, antagonizing and haunting, dark with doubt and desperation, my own dark side voicing it's opinion over my lack of worth. From what I've come to understand of most people I have grown to know, we all possess this arch nemisis, though some stronger than others. I did it, though. As I have been discovering a little bit every day since I embraced change and better goals, I am shocked with pride and acceptance at how positive life can become if you simply let it be.
Fortunately, my strips found their way into Elaina's mailbox one day shy of my departure from the beach. Tomorrow I part with the beauty of the bay and the gulf, before the devil's oil regurgitation ruins this content and peaceful place, and return to the security of Momma's house.
The security of Momma's house, my current home, scares me as well (what doesn't scare me?) by opposing some of the character advantages of a more independent lifestyle. Over the course of life, children consistently follow a cycle of leaving and then returning "home." Home being more than merely a physical place, but also a person (like momma) or even an idea. However, if you haven't noticed, it seems that kids (like me) returning home physically happens more than ever. At least in my circles that's true. One of the (very few) downsides that runs concurrent with the security I feel at momma's house is that the risk is very low. If I don't risk it, I can't win it. Baby steps, though. Personal risk is the greatest risk of all, and if one has the conviction to do so, then they can risk such things no matter where they are. I am severely committed to this, by the way.