Bye Bye to the Trial Run, Here Comes the Real Thing

Today I took off my last trial run pod, and threw it away. I keep forgetting to take a picture of it. It was a little sad for me to not be able to put another one on. My mom tried to talk me into going ahead and filling one with insulin and starting without the go-ahead from MJ, my pump trainer. Remember, she's just as excited about this whole process as I am. It was so tempting! I decided to decline when she said, "what's the worst that could happen," which is one of my trigger phrases: when someone says this I know that there's a lot that could happen that I might not even be able to think of, and that this could easily turn out badly. So, I'll wait for MJ's next training session at my house on Saturday before I apply an insulin pod. These next few days are going to drag on filled with excrutiating excitement and buzzing anxiety. It feels kind of like leaving my parents home for the first time. I'm saying good-bye to needles that have taken care of me, kept me alive and with whom I've fought for many years, and I'm saying hello to the freedom of the Omnipod. A part of me is gonna miss these things on which I have depended for so long. They have been a reliable and consistent part of my life for over half of my life. I won't miss stabbing myself 4-6 times a day, but i will miss what they stood for and what they gave me: life. I'm very excited about the Omnipod, and I've wanted a pump for a long time; however, it's new to me, and that's always a little scary. My diabetes and my life will soon be dependent on a handheld wireless device and its signal to a small piece of plastic. I never imagined I would feel this way so close to my switch day, my pump day, but I do. Its not overwhelming, and there's nothing that could scare me from putting on the pod. I wish it was Saturday.