I Love You, I Love You Not

This pump stuff is hard to get started! I was told to expect certain issues as we try to figure out what is right for me, like finding the correct basal rates. But for the last two days I've been running high, and it's just been getting higher. My pump coach told me that highs are natural because we're working with the rates, but I'm still very bummed about it. When my blood sugar hit 500 this evening, despite many correction boluses, MJ, my coach, told me to go ahead and change pods. And also to take an injection just to get some insulin on board. I don't think it was completely defective, I would have been a whole heck of a lot higher, but hopefully it was something to do with the pod or the site, maybe. As I deactivated my pod and peeled it off of the back of my arm something inside of me felt like I had failed. I've experienced this type of feeling before with highs and lows. When you try so hard at something, and it seems not to matter at all. It's extremely frustrating. I'm sure anyone can relate to the feeling.
Anyways, I'm checking every two hours for now, and it's coming down, slowly but surely. Many times in the past I would've shot up an absurd amount of insulin to make myself go lower as fast as possible. As you can imagine, that rarely ended well. Another advantage of being on a pump is that that's less likely to occur. I feel good about this new site, though. On my back this time. I just keep visualizing the time, not far from now, after we have all my rates and bgs under tighter control, when life will be so much sweeter.